Obligatory Surfing Post

Did I do something wrong, Mother Nature? Was I being punished for my hubris, Lord Poseidon?

Today was just rough. Really choppy surf. In quick succession, the waves would knock me askew, knock me off my board, then completely flip me over.

Apparently, I have forgotten how to paddle. How to fall off? Still remember quite well.

Refugee Orphan Christmas (and Ham!)

Not sure how it became a tradition, but for the last three years, I have hosted a Christmas Day dinner. Usually the attendees are some friends who, like me, either chose not to, or could not, make it home for the holidays. And a giant ham. I think the hams have only gotten bigger every year. This year was no different.

The recipe for the ham comes from Alton Brown ("Ham I Am -- City Ham"). Also watch the YouTube video, which is very helpful.

I also tried documenting the process in pictures:

Mustard (wet) layer:


Brown sugar (dry) layer:


Now there's supposed to be another "wet" layer of bourbon (I used Gentleman Jack) applied via spritz bottle as well as another "dry" layer of pulverized ginger cookies, but by now, my hands had become too sticky to handle my camera. The final product:


Pro-Tip: Use a meat thermometer for the roast itself (all roast recipes, really) and an oven thermometer to make sure your oven is heated correctly.

It was delicious. But now still so much ham left over.

The rest of the Christmas Dinner menu:
- Potato Salad
- Candied Yams
- Green Beans
- Corn Bread
- Winter Salad
- Pavlova

Each of these, there are many recipes for online. I generally just wing it as I've made these so many times before.

Set aside 6-12 hours to prepare everything, add friends and lots of wine. Enjoy.

Crazy Quakers

My parents decided, when I was between the ages of 7-9, that public schoolin' wasn't good enough to be Successful Asian Doctor/Engineer/Lawyer! so they sent me off to Germantown Friends School. After the 4th grade, they realized such a high-priced education would be wasted on me (I mean, I didn't even get into MIT!), and so I went back to public school.

It was a Quaker school, meaning every Thursday, we would spend an hour or two sitting in "meeting". It wasn't church because there was no direct religious messaging going on, and everyone was just supposed to sit silently and reflect. That is unless you had something to share with the whole school, whereby you then stood up and said it.

Around holidays, the meeting would inevitably turn into what was called a "popcorn meeting" because there would be many students and teachers standing up to wish everyone a "Happy Easter!" or "Happy MLK Day!" or "Happy You Don't Have the Clap Day!", often in succession, like popcorn in a pan. One time, our teacher expressly told us not to participate in this kind of activity, because it wasn't very meaningful to the meeting. I don't remember much of anything that I learned in grades 2-4, but I did remember that moment, when the teacher specifically told us that echoing holiday wishes to a public audience wasn't really useful or meaningful.

Anyways...Merry Christmas, Everyone! Happy Hanukkah and Happy Kwanzaa if you so choose! And may the New Year bring you love, happiness, and success!

Oh so I figured out why I wrote the "Roommates" post...

....I need a name for my new apartment. All my previous house shares have had a nickname, what should the new one be?

Also, I'm soliciting donations to help me pay for furnishing this new, unnamed place. I am offering exclusive naming rights based on sponsorship levels.

TD Ameritrade Tropicana American Airlines Apartment anyone?

Girl Pop.

My Future Wife

My Future Mistress

Who said music had to be dark, serious, and about angst and misfortune? Life has enough of that already. Sometimes, I just want to listen to something that's fluffy and meaningless.

Roommates

Freshman Year of College (2002-2003), Mudge House: MK. I could barely remember the kid's name, that's how well we got along. Totally different people. He was an uber-geek that loved to hang out in Wean Hall playing CTFwS. I was even more of a shut-in than I am now and rarely left my dorm. Yeah, Freshman year sucked.

Sophomore and Junior Years of College (2003-2005), Webster Apts: JH and DH (not related). This is when I first learned to cook: Top Ramen with tuna, Top Ramen with eggs, Top Ramen with cheese, and most anything I could put on a George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine. Also, I learned not all roommates respect your stuff.

Senior Year of College (2005-2006), Beeler St: Four guys I loved and am still Bros with. One I did not and no longer keep in contact with. A lot of good times at that house. From "renting" TVs and punching holes in walls to late night Wendy's runs and setting your roommate's sweater on fire. Good times.

Berkeley (2006-2007), Crack House: KM & JW. The sum total of our living room was four G-branded bean bag chairs, a foof couch, a 42-in LCD, and a foosball table. Despite this, I had a serious girlfriend at the time. How, I cannot begin to comprehend.

San Francisco (2007-2008), Clipper House: Let me just sum up the roommates at Clipper House by saying I went to the wedding where two of them got married. Flying in from Australia. And I will go to all of their weddings, if and when they choose to get hitched, and if they'll have me.

San Francisco II (2008-2009), China House: From the Clipper House, I met two Craigslist randoms who turned out to be THE BEST ROOMMATES EV4R!!1! Although this house was marred by insufferable neighbors. Who, to quote my roommate, "Really need to get fucked. In the ass."

San Francisco III (2009-2010), New China House: THE BEST ROOMMATES EV4R!!1!++. I bought a lot of tools and did a whole bunch of home improvement projects on an apartment I left after a year.

Sydney (2010), Real World House: I lived with a bunch of students, drifters, and working holiday visa holders making their way through Australia. I shared a laundry with 13 other people. I also shared a kitchen without an oven. I imagine if I were still a 20-year old backpacker, I would have enjoyed living there, not having to worry about furnishing an apartment or having stuff that wouldn't be destroyed. Fortunately, I am not now, nor ever was a 20-year old backpacker.

There were also two summers where I lived in temporary housing, but also with roommates:
2004 - In the Wallingford Social Club, although only one club member was present.
2005 - In an Imperial College (London) dorm room with a grad student from Germany who didn't drink and made 8-bit electronica music. Bad 8-bit electronica music.

Sydney II (present), My Apartment: I live alone for now. There's a spare bedroom which I may or may not end up renting out to someone. Buying furniture for this place has been the scariest decision I have ever had to make because it feels "permanent". 'Is this the couch I have for the next Y years? What if I don't like the color in two months? What if I'm allergic to it? And it costs how much?' On the plus side, I dream about the entertainment system I am going to build. On the down side, all the fruits of my newfound financial discipline have gone straight down the counter-clockwise flushing toilets.

In the last 8 years, I have had to move 9 times. At no point did I ever make a decision about living anywhere that had any semblance of permanence. Leaving SF, it took me a grand total of four days to get rid of all major belongings. I don't know what the point of this post was.

The Paradox of Choice

Someone asked me the other day how to find interesting TED talks to watch. Obviously, you just need to wait for me to post them here.



This one is particularly good, and particularly relevant as I spent the better part of my entire weekend trying out more couches, beds, and dining sets that I imagined could possibly exist.

I ended up unhappy because I had more choices.

Discuss.

Protips for Job Interviews

I wouldn't venture to say I have a great deal of experience interviewing or being interviewed. Though, as I approach my 50th interview given at the G, and looking back at all the jobs and internships I have applied to, the number of interviews where I have been on either side of the table is about a hundred. So it's fair bit. I don't even know if this will help any prospective job searchers. Are there any recent college grads or novice job seekers among the eight (OK, really four) of you who read this blog? But, if it happens to help someone who stumbles on this somehow, so be it.

Here are some general tips, some of it applies to technical interviews, but it is also generalizable:

- Be prepared. There's no way for you to anticipate all the questions you will be asked at your interview. We specifically cull our question sets for things that have been asked so frequently as to have ended up on the Interwebs. Brain teasers are also BS questions, and you look dishonest if you already looked up the answer beforehand and answered it too quickly. So, in light of this, prepare on the material that will be tested: you. As an interviewer, I am looking for how well you fit into the role I'm trying to fill. You as an interviewee should be looking for how well you fit into the same role. Know your strengths. Know your weaknesses. Know the top things in your background and resume to talk about. Know past examples to support each of the above. Like G. I. Sun-Tzu once said, 'knowing yourself is half the battle.' Or something.

- Know your shit. In addition to knowing the things you put on your resume and being able to back them up, know the things you know well. This is particularly true for technical interviews. If you say that your best programming language is Java, you better be able to write a `public static void main(String[] args){ }` from scratch. If it's Python, don't start using curly braces and semi-colons. If you say you know something, it should be familiar enough for you to do it on the spot. Small mistakes will happen, but the core should be there. The converse is also true. If you don't know something, don't try to fake your way through it to try and impress anyone; if the interviewer is asking it, that means they know it fairly well. That also means if your particular strengths don't match up well with the job, then it's time to move on.

- Ask interesting questions. Related to being prepared, look up the company you're applying for. When I ask you if you have any questions about the job or the company, these should reflect your interest in the job and the company. This means doing your research before hand. Don't ask me, "What does the job entail?" because you're supposed to have read the job description beforehand. Asking "What does your company do?" may as well get you disqualified on the spot; if you want to work here, you should know. Asking "How did I do in the interview?" makes you look like a tool, and on top of that, I'm not going to answer.

- Dress up. You're interviewing at one of those new-found tech companies with the laid back culture. Awesome! Still dress up. For the fellas, at least put on a clean collared shirt and tuck it in. No jeans. Dress shoes. (For the ladies, I don't know, my best cross-dressing days are behind me.) This is the minimum. I recommend more based on the company and the job. This is for two reasons: One, you can never be over dressed. Two, you don't dress up for yourself, you dress up to demonstrate your respect for the occasion and who you're meeting. Yes, the new techie uniform is a t-shirt (usually ironic), jeans, and shoes optional. No, this does not mean you should dress like your interviewer. You don't have the job yet. If I am an interviewer and I see you dressed poorly, I either don't care or I think it reflects poorly on how seriously you take this. If you are dress well, I either don't care of I think it reflects well on how serious you take this. Notice the explicit inversion. Also, on the off chance you run into a toolbag like myself, who's dressed in a collared shirt and slacks most days, you're going to feel like a bigger toolbag.

- Follow-up. This I don't understand. In the 50 or so interviews I have given, I have maybe gotten a follow-up or thank you email, five times. In the 50 or so interviews I have done, I always sent a standard thank you, with a bit highlighting my strengths etc. (unless the interviewer explicitly would not give me a way to contact them, whereby, F them!) This is a common courtesy and something I was taught by my college career counselor. It's not hard, and there's no down-side. Thank the interviewer for their time. Highlight one or two areas you talked about in the interview and how you match them. Say you're looking forward to hearing back from them. Done.

- Don't FB/LinkedIn stalk your interviewers. OK, this is pretty simple. If you are given the interviewer's name beforehand, don't go and look them up on the Interblags. And even if you can't help yourself, don't try to use this to your advantage. I know we're all curious, voyeuristic creatures, but what do you hope to gain here? Using this information makes you look creepy and desperate to create some kind of connection. At best, it gives you something to chat about, and if you get a job you're not qualified to do only because you BS'ed your way in, you won't do well. At worst, the interviewer is gonna be thrown off by this. In short, don't do it.

Wow, this turned into a full on diatribe. In reality, it might not even be worth anything. But my AU$0.02 on interviewing. Take it with a grain of salt.

Walk, You Lazy Bastard!

This is 131500.com.au (New South Wale's transit site). I'm trying to get from Ultimo to Surry Hills. Option 1 is to walk.

There are no other options.

Thank you, Cold-Hearted Website! I knew I was getting a bit pudgy around the middle.

Contractions

"It is not" can be contracted into "it's not" or "it isn't". Could we go further and just contract all three together? "itsn't"

There are many other examples as well.

That is all.

Surfing as a Microcosm of My Life

Mrs. Groman, my 9th grade geometry teacher once told me, I was a "Jack of all trades, Master of none." Being 13 years old at the time, I took this to be a complement. Perhaps later on in my life, I would have taken it to be an insult, some comment on my attention span.

My former manager told me recently, that he and I were very similar people. We get very excited to try new things, as does most everyone, but we tire of it as soon as we've figured out how it works, and how to become good at it. We never take the time to actually become good at it.

As I have become older, I have changed. Not my behaviors or my patterns, but I have changed my perceptions and awareness of them. I no longer fault myself for falling into the same perceived character flaws, but I simply understand this is how I operate and this is who I am. Being self critical of my flaws, by this point in my life, is counter productive. Perhaps I will always fall into the same tendencies not because it is a flaw in my design, but because it is my design.

One of these flaws, patterns, or perhaps designs, is my penchant for having only enough tenacity to learn "just enough". I do something just enough to know how to become good at it. I never actually become good at anything. I look around and I see a snowboard, a bass guitar, and a pile of cooking implements among numerous other relics of hobbies past. I have run, hiked, swam, and boxed. I played football, basketball, golf, soccer, netball, and ultimate. These are but a few of my many projects I have become enamored with just long enough to never be good at any of them.

They say it takes inspiration and motivation to start something, but good habits to finish it. That is what I lack. To paraphrase one of my spiritual role models, I want to be awesome, but I don't have patience to achieve it.

The need to get better at something is inherently something we all crave. Maslow makes note of it. As do others, like motivational speaker Tony Robbins (good TED talk). And this guy too (if you haven't seen that video, it's a good one). Somehow, I don't have this desire to finish anything. Somehow, knowing how to become good at something is enough for me instead of actually becoming good at it.

So what does this have to do with surfing? Well, this time, it might be different. Surfing is not something I will become good at quickly. If at all. Today's lesson taught me that very sternly. It's gonna be a long time and a lot of effort to become good. Or even just good at paddling out through the surf. Maybe this time, I'll actually stick it through. It is a way of life down here; this is what Aussies do and it's a great way to enjoy the ocean.

But then again, as I'm older, I know better.

"Partner"

So to Australians, "partner" refers to your significant other. Whether you're married, engaged, dating, etc. Now, for those of you in the States, the term "partner" has come to refer to your significant other of the same sex. Now I'm not talking about being bro-mantically involved, but rather referring to gay and lesbian couples. This makes sense; it's a gender neutral word that isn't loaded with social connotations and accurately reflects a same-sex couple's commitment to each other.

This came as a great shock to me when I was first asked, "did you come to Australia with your partner?" At first, I did a double take thinking the person was assuming I'm gay (I don't love show tunes and fashion that much, do I?), only later realizing all couples are referred to as "partner".

I guess it's less syllables to pronounce as compared to "significant other", and less awkward than asking "wife? fiancee? girl/boy-friend?" but it's still awkward to me.

There's no point to this post. If you've gotten this far, you're either really bored today, or genuinely care about what I have to say. Which you shouldn't. Please, find a hobby.

OK, so I wasn't joking about the sunburn.

- Note the contrast between where my skin was, where my swim trunks were, and where I'm now wearing my maroon shorts (picked for contrast).
- My armpits are burned. How does that happen?


- This is my back. No I am not a cooked lobster.
- Note the finger marks on my left shoulder.

It is somehow even worse in real-life lighting. Sorry about the half-naked photos.

Surfing WIN! Sunburn FAIL!

On this, a weekend of seconds, I went surfing again. This time much more successfully. Apparently, as I've learned recently, Manly is not the place to go surfing. Especially the surf school there, which isn't quite so good.

The Let's Go Surfing! school at Bondi is much better in this regard. Perhaps it was the 7:30AM start time so there were fewer people, the small class size, or the quality of our instructor, but the experience was much more pleasant.

My instructor very bluntly told me that being tall was going to make learning much harder. I reminded him being athletically challenged and allergic to shark bites would probably be higher on my list of worries. Despite this, I made a much better showing this time around. The process taught to us today, of standing up in stages, worked much better than the "just jump up and ride" lesson given during my prior lesson.

Our instructor "took us out the back" (I'm sorry, I have no way of making that sound better), which is to say took us, using the rip current, beyond the breakers so we could catch some unbroken waves on their way in. This was incredibly awesome as I found myself able to stand up and surf (twice at that!) on these faster, smoother waves.

I've already signed up for four more lessons.

During my post-surf siesta, I made the mistake underestimating the Australian sun. I thought by lying on my back most of the time, I wouldn't have to apply sunscreen as often to those hard to reach areas. Now all those hard to reach areas have the color and consistency of Chinese BBQ pork.Even the areas I did make sure to apply sunscreen, twice in two hours is apparently not enough.

Yoga

Good: Went to my second ever yoga class and really centered my mind to the present.

Bad: Went to my second ever yoga class and got my ass kicked.

Ugly: Went to my second ever yoga class and left a sweaty mess. I have never heard a 5-second count drawn out like that.

On the plus side, I'm getting more flexible and seeing what flexibility can do for women in tights...so, win!

Australia, Part II: Adventure Renewed

No, the title does not imply I'm making a sequel to the ill-conceived 2008 Baz Lurhmann film (which was not a documentary about The Lucky Country, narrated by Wolverine and The Tall Chick Who Used to be Married to The Scientologist. In fact, it is the 2nd highest grossing Australian film of all time. Can you guess the first?)

Actually, the title of this post refers to my renewed conviction to this land of convicts. While I truly enjoyed seeing all of you lovely people from my past on my trips home, going back twice in rapid succession, so soon after I've made this move did nothing but reconfirm how much I miss all of you and miss home. It was perhaps a mistake because this never allowed me to give Australia the fair chance it deserved.

This is a reaffirmation of my original intention. Australia is a new adventure for me, and damn it if I'm not going to give it a fair shake and an honest effort. Never say 'no' to any opportunity. Try as many new activities as I can conceive. Appreciate this land for what is has, not what it doesn't.

This doesn't mean I don't love all of you, Dear Friends from a Life Past. No, rather I want you to share this adventure with me, through this blog. If anything, demand I share tales of my latest adventures on this blog. I promise I won't disappoint.

In Which We Can Now Have Video Chat Sex!

So I got's me a new laptop which has a webcam on it. And because Google is awesome, GTalk provides video chat!

Chatting over video is pretty amazing. Now you can see me roll my eyes at you!

So if you see me online, help welcome me to the 20th century with a GTalk video chat!

XOXO !!1!

Fat Kid Tendancies

Who woke up at 3am, walked to McDonald's (because it's the only place open), got a Big Mac, nuggets, fries, and a cheeseburger to now watch the Eagles game.

About that cheeseburger, the clerk had already punched in my order, when the fat kid in me asked, "are you sure 2500 calories is enough?"

Surfing

- Return ("round-trip" in Australian) ferry tickets to Manly: AU$13
- Snacks and bottle of water: AU$8
- Surfing "lesson": AU$60
- Two beers to sooth the pain: $AU15

To answer everyone's question, no I did not manage to stand up.

I was pretty much an abject failure at my first attempt at surfing. I would have been better served to throw myself down a flight of stairs while drinking a bucket of seawater. I would have felt the same after, but at least I wouldn't have spent the 60 bucks.

There was a lot of wind and the waves were quite big, about six foot breakers. Which is all well and good for people who know how to surf, not for a bunch of n00bs who keep getting pushed back and knocked over by the waves. Being freak sized, they gave me a small canoe for a board, which also didn't help. Finally, there were about 12 of us to two teachers, so the sum total of instruction I got all afternoon was "don't get pulled away by the current" and "paddle forward and try to jump on the board."

Needless to say, not many people were successful in this beginners surfing class, let alone the goofy, un-coordinated 6'5" Asian man who can barely swim. At one point, my dogged stubbornness was forcing me to drag the giant pontoon across the beach, pushing out about 25 feet into the waves, getting knocked over and dragged by the current down the beach and towards the shore, getting up and repeating. How is this supposed to be fun now?

Lesson learned: Mother Nature is a bitch. And if she tells you you're not supposed to surf, you're not supposed to surf.

Taste of Melbourne

OK, so I'm about a month behind on posting, so I'm gonna keep this short. Bullet point style!

- I was at Taste of Melbourne which is a food festival based, obviously, in Melbourne, Victoria. That I went and almost exclusively spent my time tasting whiske?y is not so obvious. Unless you know me.

- Went to Maze, which is a Gordon Ramsey restaurant. Nothing that was too spectacular to talk about. Food was OK, not great. Except maybe the shitty service. Hopefully this isn't symptomatic of all Australian restaurants, but this was really shitty service. Waiting 20min+ between courses, bad attitude, etc. For AU$200/pp, that was pretty shit.

- Also checked out Nobu, which is the first time I've ever been to any of Nobuyuki "Nobu" Matsuhisa's restaurants. This was a really good meal. If you get the chance, you have to get the Crispy Oysters, which was to die for. Also the Miso Black Cod. But again, shitty, shitty service.

- Der Raum. Awesome cocktail bar. The bottles of booze hang from the ceiling behind the bar. The drinks are inventive ('Pushing up Daisies' is a whisky cocktail that comes in a mini watering can with a patch of cinnamon sugar 'dirt'). Atmosphere is cool. Except it is plagued by the same issue as I find with all Australian bars. At 10PM on the dot, the lights go off, the DJ comes on and it turns into a shitty dance club / lounge. This in turns attracts the kind of clientèle that comes to a cocktail bar to drink Heineken out of a bottle. Ugh.

- Coffee was great in Melbourne. And it's served out of tiny, hole-in-the-wall coffee houses in little alley ways. Food culture is big in Melbourne.

So in my opinion, Melbourne is closer to San Francisco than Sydney. And Melbourne is to SF what Sydney is to San Diego. One is about food and indoor culture, the other is
about sunshine and being outside. Both are nice in their own way.

THE END!

The Blue Mountains...

...are like Yosemite-lite.

The hikes are shorter, the views less spectacular, but the drive there is shorter. All in all, a good weekend trip. Good to have seen.

Jenolan Caves however? Totally not worth the hair-raising 90 min drive either way on one-lane, cliff-hugging roads with blind turns. On the wrong side of the road, no less!

Oh yes. I drove. It wasn't so bad. I didn't die and only went against traffic once.

Feeling Old

Today was the first day I've ever wished I were younger. Scary thought.

Holy Sh*t!

I'm not dead! Sorry, just been a busy month. In brief recap, all to be flushed out later:
- Went to Melbourne
- Went back to SF and Philly for two weeks
- Went to Blue Mountains

Uh, What?

- It is to keep my scalp from getting burned and retain heat from escaping my head.

- It is to look pretty to attract nice ladies.

- It is to give me something to sweep my hands through in attempts to look dashing and/or pensive.

All proper responses to when the Mexican hair stylist asked me "How do you use your hair."

Visiting Australia

Hello Friends, Family, and Mysterious Blog Lurkers,

Australia is full of sunshine, cheery people, and places to explore. As such, I encourage you to make a trip to this side of the planet to visit me. I'm planning to do many of the awesome things normally associated with Australia over the next year or so, including going to Byron Bay, the Great Barrier Reef, Uluru / Ayers Rock, the Great Australian Outback, Cairns, and many other places. Australia is a big place to explore and I would like to do it with you.

There are certain difficulties involved with travelling to the ends of the earth, namely the time and cost of travel. While I can't create vacation days for you or lower the cost of flights, I can guarantee you a free couch / futon to crash on along with some wonderful (OK, annoying) company during your stay. Think of it this way, it's an expensive flight but really cheap accommodation.

However, there is a bit of a restraint on this. I'm in the process of making travel plans as well as attempting to move apartments. As such, I need a rough estimate of when you would like to come visit. It doesn't have to be anything specific, but I don't want you to go through the trouble of looking up flights to Sydney then have me tell you I'll be out of town that weekend. So, if you could kindly drop me an email, or just respond in the comments below with a rough month, season, or even year estimate of when you'll be in Sydney and I'll do my best to adjust my plans around yours.

Many Thanks.

Craps Table Differences in Australia

- Can't tip the dealers. Less fun when you can't get everyone at the table going for you. I think this, like anything else in Australia, when you don't tip, you get shittier service.

- Odds on points is only 2X. No exceptions.

- Table minimum on all prop bets. How is this fun?

- You pay for drinks at the table. WTF.

- It just seems less fun. There's even more electronic craps games going on next to the real craps action. People just seem to be there to gamble. Come on Aussies, loosen up!

I won about $100 at the Crown Casinos. Nice place. Very much like the Venetian or Aria in Vegas, restaurants, shops, casino, resort. Very upscale. But I didn't enjoy gambling here as much as I do in Vegas. But of course I don't.

Toohey's Extra Dry + Australian Skittles = Skittlebrau. IRL.

What I learned from starving myself for 45 hours.

- Hunger is a mental thing. You can survive a month without food, so that feeling of a grumbling, empty stomach is only temporary. By the second day, it wasn't even a feeling in my stomach anymore, mostly just the thoughts of food that got to be pretty prevalent.

- I eat a lot when I'm not actually hungry or in need of food. Sometimes I just eat because I'm bored. This is both unhealthy and wasteful.

- It's surprising how much your stomach shrinks in just two days. I got pretty sick from eating a big meal of pasta right after.

- My friends are awesome and generous. Won't get too sappy on you all, but thanks. Thanks for both the monetary donations and the care and concern.

Inception. Wow.

OK, so I know I'm more than a month late on this, but whatever. I'm not gonna talk about the movie...too much.

So I'm subscribed to a bunch of deals websites in Sydney for free / cheap stuff and sales. Why? Because since coming to Australia, I decided mimicking the spending habits of the Democratic People's Republic of The Obama-Socialist Commune wasn't a prudent financial strategy; I shouldn't have worked for 4 years at Google and have no savings to show for it. Budgeting, gonna try it.

Anyways, where was I? Oh right. One of the lists is a "cheap" movie of the week. This is because movies in Australia are ridiculously expensive. Upwards of $18 for an adult ticket. "Cheap" in this case means $9 + $1 online booking fee. One good part about Australian movies, you book your seat ahead of time, so no need to show up early.

Damn it! Why do I keep getting side-tracked. I made a spur of the moment decision upon seeing the online offer and just bought a ticket. I had wanted to see a movie by myself for some time now. One, because I have no friends, but also to see what it's like to just quietly enjoy a movie all to myself, without worrying about where/when to go, how to get seats all together, this that and the other. That and it was nice to make up my own mind about the movie. I have surprisingly not read too much about the film beforehand, and I didn't have to listen to someone else's analysis right after*.

So, I bought some skittles, an Orange Fanta, and an ice cream cone (because I'm a fat kid trapped in a tall man's body), and got ready to enjoy the experience.

It's not a bad experience really. It allows me to stew in my own enjoyment of the movie, and damn if I didn't enjoy the shit out of that movie. Ending was a bit weak, but there was no part of the movie where I felt less than 100% psyched to be watching. And this is something considering how badly I had to piss. Chirstopher Nolan is a genius. I just hope he doesn't get a big head now and either start making crap or stop making movies. Also, Joseph Gordon Levitt's zero-gravity fight scene was the tits. Batman 3, I expect at least THIS MUCH awesome.

*Not that I don't value the opinion of my friends immensely. Just know I consider it worthless.

40 Hour Famine -- Live* Blog

(*Well, not really minute-by-minute, but I will be updating this post as I go along.)

Firstly, thanks to all my friends for their generosity. So far, I've raised $360 for these very worthy causes. It's still not too late to donate at http://40hf.com/zhi.

2010-08-20 20:15 -- Started the fast. 15 minutes late because of the slow service at the restaurant. I'll extend the total time by 15 min.

2010-08-21 3:35 -- I've had a few drinks so far (booze is not food, despite my best efforts to qualify it on the contrary). Usually would be neck deep in drunk food by now, but not so much. Not yet "hungry" per se. We'll see how it goes from here. Going to bed now.

2010-08-21 8:47 -- Woke up. Hungover to all hell. Not yet hungry, so maybe this won't be so hard. Actually had a dream about accidentally breaking the fast with a PB&J sandwich and woke up in a panic.

2010-08-21 8:50 -- Was reprimanded that alcohol is indeed caloric and by some definition is food. Perhaps, but other people doing this cheat by eating cane sugar and lollipops, so I'm still ahead on that curve. Also, drinking and being hungover make me want to eat more, so I'm actually adding to my temptation and making it harder on myself.

2010-08-21 9:43 -- Just had to run an errand in the city. It would be too easy to simply stay in bed all weekend, but I guess part of going hungry is still being able to function without food. I'm going to go about the weekend as normally as I can, although I just realized how much of social activities revolve around eating or drinking.

2010-08-21 9:45 -- This puts into perspective how much I snack just because I'm bored. Not a good thing.

2010-08-21 10:50 -- First stomach rumble.

2010-08-21 14:09 -- The empty feeling in my stomach is starting to be irksome. Not yet all-consuming, but definitely something I am thinking about. At this point, I would normally be desperate to find food. Actually working and cleaning up some tasks though. Still functioning.

2010-08-21 14:58 -- Taking a nap now. The sleepy outweighs the hungry right now.

2010-08-21 18:00 -- Nap helped. Not feeling hungry anymore. Although I should wait a while before saying for sure.

2010-08-21 18:35 -- Actually the empty feeling in my stomach is gone. Is it supposed to be temporary?

2010-08-21 19:37 -- Mostly just thinking about food now.

2010-08-21 21:40 -- This sucks.

2010-08-21 21:54 -- This wouldn't be so bad if every other commercial on TV wasn't food related.

2010-08-21 23:33 -- Going to bed hungry is unsettling.

2010-08-22 4:33 -- Getting woken up by a page is more unsettling. Stomach is growling unhappily.

2010-08-22 10:47 -- Woke up after having a dream about carrots and green peas. And spaghetti.

2010-08-22 11:48 -- Decided that since my friends helped me hit 114% of my fundraising target, I'm going to continue this challenge for 14% longer. New target is 45.7 hours, or 18:00 local time. 6 hours more.

2010-08-22 15:51 -- Weak and unable to focus now. Have a slight headache. 2+ hours to go. Not a good time to get paged.

2010-08-22 17:54 -- Almost over. Thinking a lot about food now.

2010-08-22 17:58 -- Staring at the first thing I'm going to eat now. Oreos, Tim Tams, and some Chinese Funnel Cake.

2010-08-22 18:01 -- Food is good. Glad that I did this little experiment, but I know how fortunate I am not to have to worry about food on a daily basis because that is not a good feeling.

Thanks again to everyone for their support!

40 Hour Famine

I am asking for your support in a fundraising task I am undertaking this upcoming weekend. It is called the 40 Hour Famine wherein volunteers spend forty consecutive hours from (Sydney Time) 8PM 2010-08-20 to 12PM 2010-08-22 going without something. In my case, I have chosen to follow the spirit of the event and picked going hungry for 40 hours. I'll also be putting updates during the 40 hours on this very blog so you can follow along.

Why am I doing this?

Firstly, the funds my fellow participants and I raise are going to worthy causes, namely:
- Addressing climate change and increasing agricultural production in Nepal
- Tackling childhood malnutrition in Kenya
- Fighting child labor and trafficking in India
- Providing supplementary food support to families in Cambodia
- Assisting with food security in Laos.

Secondly, it is a personal experience for me. I have been extremely fortunate to live a privileged life free from want and often times filled with excess. I am treating this as a learning experience to go through what too many of our fellow human beings suffer on a daily basis. This period of want is willingly undertaken and very temporary, but many people all over the world experience this unwillingly and without foreseeable relief. I will not go into the details of how these problems persist and how many are affected, but I hope you will join me in doing something, even if it is only a small gesture, to provide relief for those who are in need.

You can find out more information and donate to the cause at here

UPDATE: Yes, you can use a US credit card to make a donation. You may be charged a foreign transaction fee based on which card you use, but the exchange rate of USD:AUD is roughly US$1 to AU$1.1

Thank You.

Things I hate about Sydney, #1: Cab Drivers

If you really can't navigate around the city, you shouldn't be a cab driver. To each and every Sydney cab driver who has failed me, and that includes every single cab I have taken so far: die. Please go crawl into a hole and die. Go support yourselves and your family doing something else, because you are clearly not qualified to drive around this city. There's no reason you can only drop me off 2 block away from my house. It's really not that hard.

Dear Dressed Up Australian Bros

Please stop buttoning all the buttons on your suit jackets and blazers. It makes you look ridiculous.

Fairly simple rules:

- One button, no real choice here

- Two buttons, top button only

- Three buttons, middle button only, or at most, top two

- Four+ buttons, can't help you here because you're beyond saving

Haters to the Left.

I recently passed my 4 year anniversary at Google. Other than being fully vested, it makes me an old timer at the company. From the free food and perks to the awesome scale of technology available to us employees, nothings seems as amazing as it did 4 years ago. It's easy to be complacent. It's easy to become spoiled and take things for granted. It's easy to overlook us now as we're no longer the new hotness in the Valley as we've since been overtaken by the likes of Facebook and others.

We've been in the news a lot recently. Not always for good things either. From sampling Wi-Fi data, to defending (or condemning, depending on who you listen to) Net Neutrality, and even because early adopters of Android phones are awkward, unloved freaks. It can make you a little wary of saying you work for Google; defending your company to strangers and acquaintances can be as much of a full-time job as the full-time job.

But something happened this past Sunday as I was running the City2Surf race. As I was sponsored by the company, I ran all 14k decked out in full Google regalia. All along the way, I got cheers of "Go Google!" and "Yeah, Google!". From complete strangers. People who recognized the company. And not in the way you recognize a Fortune 500 corporation and brand name, but because they have a genuine affinity for us.

Why? We're the world's largest advertising company. We deliver search results. To some folks, we also run an e-mail service. Host their documents, blogs, and videos. What makes us so special? Why to people believe in us? I'm probably not qualified to say. But I do know this:

I am proud to work somewhere where "Don't Be Evil" is our company motto.

I am proud I've never had to describe the company I work for.

I am proud we champion Open Source and open systems. That we don't cave into demands of censorship. That our founders still stand in front of the entire company, on a weekly basis to face whatever questions and charges we have.

I understand how fortunate I am to have graduated at the right time, from a school that gave me the right background, and in the right situation to have found this job.

I have never regretted for a single day to work for Google. I hope to never forget how lucky and proud I am to do so.

Haters gonna hate. But watch out and get out of the way, because we're going places. Just you wait and see.

GLEEk-ing out over Wicked.

As per the Google Doodle, today is the 71st anniversary of the first screening of the Wizard of Oz. It was coincidental and oddly appropriate because I saw Glee this past weekend. Between getting hooked on Glee and humming "Defying Gravity" at awkward and inappropriate moments, it took travelling half-way around the world for me to admit it, but I love musicals.

I think everyone does. For the folks who claim otherwise, stop pretending. Everyone loves to sing and dance. You just don't do it because you're self conscious how it makes you look in front of others. But I've never met a single person who doesn't enjoy music in some way. That doesn't feel good after cutting loose on either the dance floor or in the privacy of their bedroom. Singing and dancing make you happier. It's baked into our brains.

I had a larger point I was gonna make, but a Glee re-run in on TV now. Gotta run.

City2Surf Part Deux

This post is late, and I'm not particularly chipper today, so I'm gonna just cop out and do a bullet point post:

- City2Surf is actually based on Bay 2 Breakers.

- It has since surpassed Bay to Breakers in size, now the largest fun run in the world.

- 80,000+ people registered to run this year.

- 67,974 runners finished.

- City2Surf is packed. At Bay to Breakers, I stopped having to dodge people after about mile 3. At C2S, I was still weaving back and forth at the finish line.

- No naked people.

- Almost no drunk people. At least many fewer than B2B.

- Best costumes: Squad of Storm Troopers. Stretcher Carriers. "City to Smurf".

- Finishing at Bondi Beach was awesome. Google sponsored a tent with burgers, hot dogs, shrimp cocktail, even raw oysters and chocolate dipped strawberries. Also, beer. Lots of beer. I had 5 to rehydrate.

- Your humble author finished in 1:14:07, quite a feat considering I started in the last, "Back of the Pack" group.

- This qualifies me to run next year in the 2nd starting group. Guess I'm running it again next year. Goal: sub-65 min.

- I finished in 11,627th place.


- I sweat like an animal.

(more pics)

Ultimate Game #4

I am terrible. Fucking terrible.

Can't throw. Can't catch. Can't mark. Can't defend. Can't even run. I hate it. I want to quit.

Travel Plans

In San Francisco:
- 2010-09-03 to 2010-09-10 (This include Labor Day)
- 2010-09-13 to 2010-09-18
- 2010-10-22 to 2010-10-24

In Philadelphia:
- 2010-09-10 to 2010-09-12
- 2010-10-25 to 2010-10-28

In NYC:
- 2010-10-29 to 2010-10-30

My US cell and Google Voice numbers remain the same. Holla at your boy.

The NFL Season is less than one month away.

I am so excited, I may have just peed myself.

This upcoming NFL season may just test how much I want to live in Sydney. Watching gamecast of baseball games during work is OK. Even having to check the score because the game started at 4AM local time, it's only a regular season baseball game.

But there is no way I will accept anything less than real-time updates on my NFL.

City2Surf: Or How I Learned to Stop Drinking and Love the Pain.

Holy Crap! I haven't posted in over a week! More importantly, the reason I haven't posted is because I've been busy! Doing things! Fun, interesting* things!

Anyways, just to throw some crap together because like my father always said, "Son, if you're going to do something, make sure you do it half-assed. And don't ever stick with anything, especially if it doesn't make you any money or get you chicks. Also, I never loved you.^"

In five days, I'm going to run in City2Surf, the Sydney equivalent of Bay2Breakers, with slight differences.

B2B: 12k
C2S: 14k

B2B: Lots of old, naked hippies getting sunburned.
C2S: Lots of fit, athletic runner-types, getting sunburned.

B2B: More drinking, more costumes.
C2S: Less drinking, fewer costumes.

B2B: Finish line party at GG Park and throughout the city.
C2S: Finish line party at Bondi Beach.



Not sure which is better yet. I'll post on Monday regarding my experiences. Maybe Tuesday if I am not yet out of my alcohol induced coma by Monday.

Now, why would I choose to drink myself into oblivion for something so trivial as the completion of a 14k race? It is clearly not as awesome as what this guy did.

The reason is because I've done the foolish thing of choosing not to drink in preparation for this race. Since last Friday, after my friend's birthday, I have not had a drop of sweet nectar. This has actually brought to light a phenomena for me: why is it whenever I consciously choose not to drink, the fun seems to be sapped out of life itself? When I just moved to Sydney and was just feeling my way out in the city, I easily went two plus weeks without so much as a sip of alcohol with barely a thought. But since loudly and definitively swearing off drink for merely the next 8 days, I can't make it through two days without going into a flop sweat at the sight of a tall, cold beer glistening under the dark musky barroom lighting.



For those of you who may remember, my last venture into "never drinking again" lasted all of six days, until it was St. Patrick's Day 2009, and I had no choice but to take shots of Jameson at the Irish Bank. (Honestly, no choice! It was for world peace, you know.) Mind you, I had this on my face to remind me why I shouldn't drink, but even that didn't stop me. Why is it so hard to give something up willingly?

Anyway, I've already begun planning my Sunday, post-race debauchery:
- Drink my face off.
- Eat the greasiest bacon cheeseburger I can force an Aussie cook to make. Maybe with a side of pizza.
- Lie on my pull-out sofa and watch crappy TV until I pass out, a la


(except replace the grapes with a nice single-barrel bourbon.)

It's gonna be amazeballs.

Alright. Seacrest, out.


* Yes, I do consider crying myself to sleep "fun" and "interesting".

^ Paraphrasing.

Sydney Aroma Festival

Sydney-siders lover their coffee.



How do I know this? Because I just came back from the Sydney Aroma Festival. This was a big outdoor event showcasing the best of Sydney's and the World's spices, sauces, treats, and most importantly, coffee. There was Turkish coffee, Columbian coffee, native organic coffee, European coffee, Indonesian coffee, and even coffee suitable to recreate the iconic image of Marilyn Monroe seen above. It seemed as if nearly half the booths were focused on some niche coffee region or product.

The end result of all this is Sydney has some great coffee and cafes. Even I, the reluctant coffee drinker, have taken to enjoying the serenity of sitting down at a sidewalk cafe, in the afternoon sun, to enjoy a good ,long black*.

*Yes, if you look hard enough, you'll notice many things sound vaguely racist. Future post about this coming.

Witnessed Yesterday in Work Bathroom, 7PM

Bro shaving at the sink.

He had the toothbrush and toothpaste out as well. So basically this dude was doing all his personal grooming at work.

Now I can understand the brushing of teeth, especially after you just ate, but shaving? C'mon Son! This is work! Not your newly renovated bathroom at home with the his and hers sinks.

Or maybe it's because your missus kicked you out of the house and you can't use your sink with the nice marble finishings. Maybe it's because you're living at the office now. Was that vacation tryst with the 17-year-old waitress worth it? Probably not.

The worst part? He was using the middle sink of three. Can't even distance myself from his physical and moral filth.

Ultimate Game #3

Stats:
* ?+/-: Forgot to track it this week, but I only personally got scored on once. Like white on rice, Baby.
* 1 Score: Could have been at least 2 more if I had the hand-eye coordination to catch anything on a dead run. Or catch anything in general.
* 0 Assists
* 3 Turnovers: I really need to learn how to throw.
* 3 Sick D's: Including one where I wasn't even looking for the disk, but read my mark's eyes and went up when his hands went up, knocking away the disk before he could get position.
* 1 injured shoulder: On one of the diving D's, landed on the same shoulder I dislocated. The day after, I can't lift it past 45-degrees. Yay?

The New Taste Sensation!

So far as I have found, Australians have very strange tastes with regards to their snack foods. I've had the chance to sample those that are stocked in the office micro-kitchens. In addition to the obscure tastes I have seen before, such as "salt and vinegar", I have also found some surprising combinations of food coloring, artificial flavors, and fried potato/corn starch.

- Chicken flavored Samboy: Imagine those chicken bouillon cubes you use to easily make broth. Take those, grind them up into a powder, than sprinkle it over potato chips.

- Burger Rings: Because you want your sides to taste like your mains! Wait, you do? They are like onion rings, but at least onion rings started off as an organic product grown from the earth. These things are an affront to nature.

Not to say all the food in our micro-kitchens is foreign to me. Cadburys Chocolates translates fairly well and my fat kid instincts can still find the good stuff.

Happiness = Reality - Expectation

Q.E.D. Someone check my math though.

Beach Day!

Some pics.

Note: This is the middle of winter in Sydney.

Life is good.

Injuries Sustained Playing Pickup Basketball

I am now 3-for-3 in getting injured playing pickup basketball:

* Took a charge on the baseline. A lowered shoulder into the rib cage. Damage: bruised ribs - stiff for 3 weeks, bruised ego because he was probably 16 - permanent.

* Outfought for a rebound. Took a hip check into the groin. Collapsed immediately. Damage: Family Jewels - functional ability yet to be assessed.

* Played three consecutive full-court 5-on-5 games after at least 5 half-court 4-on-4 games. Severe cramp in lower leg upon diving for a loose ball. Damage: Sore calf muscle for the last three days.

Holy fuck I'm getting dumber.

[UPDATE] I just did 10 minutes of math to prove to myself I haven't gone brain-dead. Where is the O-Dog when I need him. "Cal-coo-lus? What's cal-coo-lus?"

Tonight at pub quiz at the Harlequin Hotel, I was stumped to find the temperature at which Fahrenheit and Celsius are equal.

I finally got the answer by drawing each on a graph, then trying to guesstimate and substituting the point they intersect.

But it's just a very simple simultaneous equation:

F = 9/5C + 32
F = C

Fuck. I feel really, really stupid right now. My only saving grace is that I did get this when many people didn't.

Review:

While I eagerly await Yelp!'s arrival in Australia, here is my review of a random pub:

Place: Glasgow Arms Hotel

Neighborhood: Ultimo

Food: Chinese. Decent enough attached restaurant. I had a surprisingly good and generously porportioned beef and Chinese broccoli. ~$12-15 / main.

Uncommon Beers on Tap: Reschs, decent enough darker lager/pislner. Ended up switching back to Coopers. ~$5 a beer.

Clientèle: Mostly locals. Fairly empty.

Ambiance: Clean, well lit. Pool table. A few TVs with the football on.

Rating: 4/5

Comments: My local. I could definitely see myself coming back here for a quiet meal or a couple of brews. Although not if I wanted some traditional pub food.

Quoting Phone Numbers

So I was reading THE BEST BLOG ON THE INTERWEBS and it was talking about how people get so used to quoting phone numbers in the US as XXX YYY ZZ-ZZ or XXX YYY ZZZZ for (Area Code) / three digits / last four digits, that you can get confused if you change up the cadence at all.

Well as the Aussies like to say, "Fuck your cadence!"*

All phone numbers are: 0# #### ####

The first digit is the region code. New South Wales is 02, Queensland is 03, etc. All mobiles are 04. If you are calling internationally, you drop the 0, i.e. +614XXXXYYYY.

However, when quoting these numbers, it's all shot to hell. If there are no consecutive digits (two sixes, three sevens, etc.) then you say:

"0### ### ###"

If there is a consecutive repeated digit anywhere in the number, you change it to:

"0## Double X ## ###" or "0# Double X # Double Y ####"

If there is a triple:

"0# Triple X ## ####" or "0# # Triple X Triple Y #"

Quads:

"0# # Double X Double X ####"

And there are special numbers like "13 13 31" which are just quoted like that.

And when calling in territory, i.e. NSW->NSW, you don't even dial the 02. So:

"### Double X ###"

This is so common that when I quote my number the rational way, because it has two sets of doubles, people don't get it. Trying to convert my number into a proper cadence in my head is very hard.

Maybe Aussies are just smarter than we are.


*Not really. I have yet to be cursed out by an Aussie. Still trying.

My First Yoga Class

I ran home and am writing this even before I've showered because I'm still so deeply centered. Or something.

"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?"

That's how I feel about yoga. It was no harder than I anticipated it to be, given I have poor balance, zero hand-eye coordination, and all the spiritual maturity of a baby squirrel. It was fun enough for me to want to keep at it. And since it's included in my gym membership, why not?

As I was cutting out all distractions, I did discover a vein in my left foot that pulsates with every heartbeat. It's like one of those animatronic contraptions. Very freaky.

Also, I'm fairly certain the yoga instructor at the ITAC is just making up words as she goes along. Maybe she doesn't know what I'm supposed to be doing either, so it's better to just invent things on the spot.

Logical Disconnect

Verizon Wireless is a subsidiary of Verizon, a communications company. Their products include mobile phone plans. Phones, the technology to allow you to communicate over long distances.

(Insert Logical Disconnect here)

You cannot transfer a plan to a pre-paid account because Verizon Wireless cannot accept payments over the phone.

:: Face palm. ::

YouTube's Life in a Day

Do this. Tell me about it. I can win stuff.

On Relative Speeds of Swimmers in the Slow Lane at ITAC

Things I am faster than:
- Dude doing half-doggy paddle, who I had to pass this morning.
- Lifeguard, who is purposefully doing a lateral shuffle along the edge of the pool.

Things I am not faster than:
- Overweight woman power-walking in the lane next to me.

At least this is progress from last week when a child's abandoned flotation device was drifting circles around me.

Australia's National Symbols [UPDATE]

The other animal, holding up the other half of Australia's crest is the emu. Also there because it cannot go backwards. As the saying goes, both animals cannot retreat, thus the crest shall remain aloft.

However, at Featherdale Wildlife Park, I saw with my own eyes an emu going backwards. Directly backtracking rather nimbly, I might add.

This proves the other adage I've since learned in Australia, Australians don't let the truth get in the way of a good story.

Beauty and the Geek...Australia!

No, the title does not refer to any pathetic attempt on my part to woo a buxom Aussie broad, but instead to this show.

First, a confession. I loved the first US season of Beauty and the Geek. Amazeballs. It's a veritable train wreck of humanity captured for our amusement. Usually reality shows go through the motions to mask their pre-defined stereotype contestants and character cut-outs, but this show wallowed in it; they advertised one of the geeks as a "Computer Programmer" which you may as well translate into "Burned His Penis Trying to Impregnate His USB Port". I also knew I would have killed on that show given that I have enough geek in me to have taught some air-head blonde how to assemble a computer, but also enough passing knowledge of Us Weekly to tell you who Tony Romo is dating on any given week.

And this isn't even good US TV the Aussies decided to import. I mean this show was the the CW (nee WB). The CW! That's barely network!

Things I love about this show, so far:

How amazing is the front-page image for this show?

Give that guy a broken Chinese-Australian accent and BOOM! $$$...er...AU$AU$AU$

And the rest of these geeks. You couldn't have cast a better set of misfits. It's like what you find in the clip-art gallery under "socially retarded."

The beauties? Only two of them have what you would call "real jobs." And I'll bet you at least five of them have serious daddy issues. You don't develop glamor poses like those with healthy childhoods!

So, how excited was I when I found out via an email thread at work not only one, they are doing a second season, but two, one of the geeks had to drop out "at the last minute and they need a replacement. Fast." I immediately began devising ways I could make it on the show. Perhaps if I masked my American accent with broken Changlish? What if I got coke-bottle glasses and told them I blogged obsessively because my only friends were online*?

Alas, I gave up these dreams when I took a moment and realized since they sent out this message at work, I wouldn't even make it out of the office in terms of candidate selection. I thought my office back in the US was bad, but this Sydney office? Wow. Like if you took every 7th grade chess club in the world and put them into the engineering department here.

Anyways, it's good to know Aussies, for as much as they regard Americans as dumb, ignorant cousins, still love everything about us. That ensures I'll always have entertaining and familiar TV to veg out to.

*wait...

Featherdale Wildlife Park

On this past 4th of July, some of my housemates and I ventured out of the city to go play with the animals at Fetherdale Wildlife Park. This is a nice place, and totally worth the $6.40 bus fare plus $11.50 discounted ticket I paid to go there.

We saw lots of really cool and stereotypically Australian beasts like
Koalas,

Kangaroos,

Wombats,

Koalas,

Tasmanian Devils (who really are energetic, whirling dervishes),

and more Koalas (seriously, this place was pimping Koalas like it was good business)

Here are the rest of the photos: http://chinahouseproductions.com/gallery/main.php?g2_itemId=9393

Also some videos:





One more thing: On the bus ride to the park, I met two girls from Alabama, currently going to law school in Australia. They discovered I was an American when I said I was going to spend the 4th of July "barbecuing burgers, drinking Budwisers, watching NASCAR, and shooting things." They seemed to identify with this. 'Merica!

Interesting Day

A bunch of stuff that I wanted to lump together today because creating separate posts is a lot of work.

- I explored the Sydney Fish Market today. It's surprisingly close to my apartment. I'm psyched because it's extremely fresh seafood, with quite a few places that will cook it for you on the spot. There's also a few specialty cooking shops. Also, there are pelicans.


Pelicans are:
1. Huge, larger than the small children it threatened to eat.
2. Patient, waiting in the same spot for over an hour for scraps.
3. Not gonna move out of the way for your tiny European car, Bro. Good luck with that.

- While exploring, I have a terrible habit of looking at everything except what's directly in front of me. This is good for pretending to be a wide-eyed tourist, exploring the city. This is not so good for avoiding obstacles. Like the 3ft tall parking pole I ran into. I ran into it full on and about as un-glamorously as possible, doubling over and reaching out to brace myself from falling.

It may be all the World Cup matches I'm watching, but I'm fairly certain I theatrically feigned an injury and demanded a yellow card.

- In this market, while checking out a cooking implements store akin to Sur la Table, I walked around a corner and stood facing a middle-aged woman holding a foot-long pepper grinder, who asked "It's not big enough, is it?" Clearly this was meant for her husband who was standing just behind me. Now, in this situation do I:

A.) Go about my way, like a mature adult, minding his own business.
B.) Titter like a school girl.
C.) Yell out, "That's what she said!"

Today, I chose B, but the first syllable of "That" was audibly heard coming from someone matching my description.

A Conversation.

Zed of 2 Months Ago: You know, since I'm getting all my relocation paid for, why not take everything with me. What else am I gonna do with my textbooks and old clothes?

Zed of Today: Fuck you, Zed! Fuck you and your dumb non-thinking ass! Are you fucking serious? Do you fucking know how fucking long it takes to fucking unpack and put away all that fucking shit? What the fuck are you even going to do with it all?

Zof2MA: Really? How much stuff could I have? I am selling all my larger furniture and I've already gotten rid of a lot of stuff: clothes I never wear, DVDs, and most electronics.

ZoT: You fucking packed up chargers and adapters for devices you no longer own. You fucking shipped three sets of bed linens that had to be thrown away because they were so fucking old. You fucking dragged text books that are so out of date, you can't even donate them to the public library. Also, if you ever decide to buy another fucking coat hanger, I will fucking strangle you with it. You have more fucking coat hangers than Macy's.

Zof2MA: I'm looking forward to getting my own place, with a lot of space to stretch out. Most importantly, I'm going to grow beyond buying all my furniture from Ikea. It's time to grow up and have nice things!

ZofT: But you didn't fucking get your own fucking place did you? You didn't even get a fucking unfurnished apartment. So you had to fucking cram all of the Ikea furniture you brought anyways into a pre-furnished room full of Ikea stuff. You live in a fucking Ikea show room.

Zof2MA: It's a fresh start! Only going to take what's most important to me.

ZofT: Really. That fucking decibel meter you bought and never used. The one you were going to use to show up the shitty fuck neighbors you had from fucking two houses ago. Really.

Zof2MA: Australia, here I come!

ZofT: Next time when I move, I'm going to set fire to everything I own. Fuck.

Australia's National Symbol

...is the kangaroo. An animal that physically cannot move backward.

Moving always forward.

Me as an Ultimate Player, Pt II.

Things I need to improve:

- Visualizing the disk as a Frisbee that floats and curves as opposed to thinking it has the trajectory of a thrown ball. I often find myself running to a spot. The wrong spot.

- Learning how to mark a player on defense. In attempting to face guard opposing players today, had two catches made directly over my head as I had no idea the disk was coming towards me.

- Throwing with confidence. I still treat the disk like I treat rebounds in basketball, the less time it spends in my hands, the better.

- Avoiding contact. Hand-checking, tackling, setting and running through screens, these seem like natural things to do in team sports. Apparently frowned upon in Ultimate.

For all the Ultimate players out there, if you have any advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

Also, do you keep stats in Ultimate? Because if you do, my stat sheet would be:
+/-: -4, 1 assist, 1 score, 2 sick D's, 0 layouts.

Things I miss about San Francisco

- Dive Bars. Low-end pubs in Sydney tend toward vinyl-floor-desperate as opposed to indie-cred-grungy.

- Online media. Pandora, Slacker Radio, Hulu are all blocked here. AmazonMP3 doesn't allow downloading overseas.

- Burritos. I'm on the verge of smuggling a large Mexican family into the country just so they will make me carnitas super burritos at my bidding.

- In & Out Burger. No explanation needed.

- My new French roommates don't know what 'bifler' and 'gicler' mean. They don't seem to know any more useful French.

- No one to watch Glee with. There are plenty of people who watch Glee in Australia. Problem is, none of them would understand if (READ: when) I start squealing like a school girl and singing along.

Sydney by Water

So now that I've doomed myself by actually sharing my blog with you, my lovely audience, I should actually put some content on here. At least regularly enough so you keep coming back. And trust me, Google Analytics will tell me if you stop coming. Remember, I'm basing my self-worth on how many people continue to read my middling, juvenile attempts at a general interest blog. Do you really want me to retreat back into a livejournal?


A co-worker told me, soon after my arrival, Sydney really is a place you have to view from the water. Walking through it, driving around, even flying over it just doesn't do it justice. At first, I didn't really understand this sentiment, but as I've slowly made my way around the city, it's beginning to dawn on me, Sydney isn't a city built next to or around the water, it is a city built nearly on the harbour. Every nook and cranny is a small bay and environment unto itself, unique and beautiful in it's own way. Even this isn't quite enough for this city as housing and buildings are stretched ever further into the water via piers and struts constructed as far out as possible; it's as if Sydney-Siders would rather on top of the water rather than next to it.

At the center of this orchestration is the Harbour Bridge. A monument to industrial design and construction. It is quite unlike any bridge I've ever been used to. Most of the places I was familiar with growing up, bridges lead in and out of the city. Philadelphia is laid out this way. As is Manhattan. San Francisco particularly so. Pittsburgh is built at the intersection of three rivers, but the water and bridges serve to separate the neighborhoods instead of serving as their arteries and passageways. Transit across the water in Sydney is not a chore but a given, almost an adventure to be enjoyed; my manager takes a regular ferry from Manly to city center with regular 10-ft ocean swells known to wash away tourists and wet the feet of locals.


The bridge, a mass of steel and concrete doesn't so much connect North Sydney and South Sydney as much as staple them together, forcing them closer through brute strength. You get the impression the harbour may open up like the mouth of a crocodile if it weren't there.

One of the best ways to explore the jaws of this magnificent beast is to take a ferry. Regular ferries transport office workers from a multitude of points during rush hour to and from the commercial hubs in both North and South shore. Even better is to take a free ferry, like those offered during the Biennale of Sydney, a contemporary art festival being held now. I did this last Saturday, taking the ferry out to Cuckatoo Island (Sydney's Alcatraz and former shipyard) where they had converted some of the old buildings into art installations. Perhaps I'll have another update talking about this particular show, if and when I ever figure out what some of the art means. Here are some photos

In the Words of My Awesomely Inspirational Former Roommate...

...Decision Made #1: I am going to forgo the boxing for now as I continue the search for a suitable, traditionalist coach (that and the continued warnings of irreversible brain damage.) Instead, I will focus on my newest physical pursuits, swimming and becoming un-suck at Ultimate.

That is all.

Revised Expectations

[UPDATE: I shouldn't type when I'm tipsy++, and according to my friend, "quite a hit amongst the girls at my work!...They are like omg ur friend was so good at K[araoke]! and that I must bring u again next time we go!". Who knew?]

Things I expected to do in Australia I have not yet done:
- Learn to surf.
- Box a kangaroo.
- Understand the rules of Aussie Rules Football.

Things I did not expect to do but have done in the 6 weeks I've been here:
- Go karaoking twice in one week.

Note to Self

After about a thousand blank stares from my house mates, I've finally figured out sarcasm does not translate well. Considering I live with a veritable model UN, I've lost both my usual avenues for trying to be funny.

The other being my award winning Little Tramp impersonation.

Fuck you, WestPac [Update]

- Mailed check and deposit slip from Sydney, Australia on the morning of 18-June
- Check deposited in Phoenix, AZ, USA as of 21-June
- Funds available for withdraw from Charles Schwab as of 22-June

Fuck you, WestPac.

Language Barrier

My grandmother is about 98% deaf.

And she lives in China.

Which makes having a conversation with her nearly impossible. Most of the time, she just talks and I make enough noise over the phone so she knows I'm listening. Because it's almost always harder to verbalized a negative as opposed to an affirmative, I usually just let her assumptions go without correcting them.

She found out from my parents that I had a month's worth of corporate housing after moving to Australia. She somehow misinterpreted this to mean I was only being given one month's salary. I spent the last 15 minutes, yelling at the top of my lungs, trying to convince her not to send her life savings over to me in Australia.

My housemates probably think I am some kind of Chinese Jack Bauer, demanding nuclear launch codes over phone from a cowardly, incompetent middling bureaucrat.

Ultimate Frisbee: The Socialist Menace

If 'soccer' is socialist and inherently anti-American then Ultimate Frisbee, or "Ultimate" as it's brain-washed, body-unwashed disciples refer to it, is nothing short of the gravest threat to America since all those damn communists in the US Army and Hollyweird.

Having subjected myself to my first Ultimate Frisbee game this past week, I can safely say we should do everything in our power to keep our young people from being infected by this menace.

- What kind of 'sport' does not have officiating? Who are you supposed to pay off in order to ensure a proper result for wagering?

- What kind of 'sport' has it's participants constantly motivate and encourage not only their own players, but also those of the opposition? How are you supposed to ensure that new players who don't know what they are doing, or fatties who can't keep up are discouraged right away?

- What kind of 'sport' has a prayer circle at the end, where you espouse the merits of the team that you either just crushed or were humiliated by? Are we to encourage the belief there are more important things than winning?

If we are to ensure that America's next generation of corporate raiders and political power-mongers grow up with an appreciation for right and wrong, winning and losing, the strong and the weak, we must do everything in our power to keep 'Ultimate' from our shores. Let this wretched activity fester in this land of criminals and cast-offs; leave America free to pursue sports when men can be men and women can have Title IX.

If not, it could be our 'Ultimate' downfall.

"Honky"

...is not a racial slur for white people. In Australia, apparently it refers to people from Hong Kong.

Imagine my surprise when my friend claimed an affinity for listening to "Honky Music" on the way to "Yum Cha", which apparently means "Dim Sum".

Spaghetti Marinara

This is my first attempt at making pasta sauce from scratch, stealing Carmina's recipe. It turned out quite well, despite me using a hand-held upright blender as opposed to a food processor. Although I'm beginning to notice the subtle differences in the produce selection between the US and here.

Fuck You, WestPac

Things you can do in less than 5 weeks:
- Ride by horseback to all 21 California Missions, San Diego to Sonoma
- Breed a new generation of rabbits
- Get abs like Olympic Gold Medalist Dana Torres

Things that cost less than $50:
- A nice meal
- Entourage: Season 6 Blu-Ray box set
- First level seats to see the two-time defending NL Champion Philadelphia Phillies

Things you cannot do for less than $50 and in fewer than 5 weeks: Deposit a foreign currency cheque into an Australian bank account. Yes. Five weeks. 35 days. Because apparently they need to mail the check to the US bank. Confirm it isn't fake. Collect the funds from the US bank. Then transfer it to my account. On top of that, charge me $50. Mind you, this is not some personal cheque, this is a corporate reimbursement check cut by Wells Fargo.

Because a phone call, email, web conference, mail, carrier pigeon, and smoke signals aren't good enough to conduct financial transactions. Not in this brand new future of 1978.

Instead, I decided to mail the cheque back to Charles Schwab. For $2.40. To be deposited in a week. Then I can withdraw the money with my fee-free ATM.

For those that know me well, this obviously incited a disproportionate reaction. I am now in the process of switching a bank account and credit cards I've only had for a month. This will not help the bassackwardness of the Australian banking system, but a la the Comcast episode, my righteous vengeance knows no limitation.

Book Review: In a Sunburned Country

So I finished this book. It's actually the first book I've read in a while, so I was proud of myself.

That I can still read.

The book is only OK. Bryson annoys me at times trying to be too clever for his own good. His writing is like a petulant child, bounding up and down trying to make people like him. It reminds me too much of myself, which is probably why I despise him.

There's a bit where he attempts to describe Cricket but clearly gives up about 15 minutes into trying to understand and instead makes up a bunch of names and facts trying to sound funny. You can't have it both ways, Bryson. You can't on one hand condemn the stereotype of The Ignorant American Abroad but on the other play the fool, throwing up your hands at the first thing that's slightly too foreign for you to comprehend. On top of this, Cricket isn't even that hard to comprehend. Anyone with a passing understanding of baseball can begin to understand pretty much what is happening fairly quickly.

Not to say the book is all bad. It certainly was a good little diversion, and to some extent, it affected by perception of Australian life positively. I look forward to getting the chance to explore some of the areas he mentions. All in all, I'm glad I read it, but happy I finished.

Now let's see if I can read a real book.

Espresso Machine

I swear I will learn how to use the office's espresso machine even if it kills me.

Yes, add that to the list of things that can kill me.

OMGz!!1! An Asian Grocer!

My Polish house mate was making dumplings the other night. Not pierogies mind you, but boiled Chinese dumplings like my mom used to make. And cooking them in the traditional way. I found out he is not secretly adopted by an Asian mother, but instead knew of an Asian grocery about a block from our house. This is amazeballs. Tonight, I bought the following:

- 2 packs of frozen dumplings
- 2 packs of tempura seaweed snacks
- Shrimp crackers

All for about AU$10.

This is what I had for dinner tonight:



Again, amazeballs.